Sunday, June 01, 2014

USING THE SILENT TREATMENT

I once wrote about the power of silence in the home and how we ought to know when to keep our mouths shut and not express every thought that comes to our heads. Today, I am writing about the negative use of silence which many of us have turned to a weapon against our spouse. I have heard couples say of their spouse, “he/she responds better to the silent treatment”. I just simply do not get it or maybe I do get it but I do believe it is a killer weapon that could break down our homes if consistently used in offence or defense. Every married person knows this feeling: that moment when your partner gets you so mad, you just want to think long and hard on what you can do to teach them a lesson; when you just wonder if marrying somebody else would have been a better solution; when you just do not want to look your partner in the eye and giving them plenty of space seems logical.


It is often at this moment some of us resort to using the silent treatment. When it feels words cannot express your anger and even if it does, you need a little time to forgive and heal all by yourself. When it seems only fair that you stop praying with him/her, you stop having sex and getting intimate, you stop listening or talking about your day, you stop cooking or eating his/her food, you stop the kisses and touches here and there, you just simply pretend that he/she does not exist. It seems only fair after all you are very angry and that is how you deal with your anger.  The only problem with this deadly attitude is that it becomes addictive. You tried it one time and life seemed so easy during that period where you could pretend you were all alone and you could do as you please without giving account or answering questions about it. It becomes so addictive that you do it over and over and over again. With time it actually becomes a reality. The down side is there will come a time when you do it for so long and it becomes a very big struggle to come back from that point. The gap just becomes too wide and you just do not get to fill them again or talk about your hurts and feelings anymore and with time you would find somebody else to experience it to: whether friend or foe.


Nothing beats communication. There is no greater wisdom that settling every dispute before the sun goes down and if the dispute happens when the sun is down, settle it before the sun comes up.  Trust me, I am not good at this yet because at times you just get so angry and it seems impossible to settle before bed time but it is a stage we should all work towards and aspire to get to. It is a place of patience, peace and strength. It is that place where you do not seek revenge in your home on your spouse. After all, nothing good ever comes from revenge. Marriage is all about forgiving, forgiving and more forgiving. just imagine that your family might be in real danger while you refusing to pick that call or speak to them and then you start wondering if the anger was truly worth it. Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted.

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