Sunday, May 25, 2014

THE RELEVANCE OF OTHER FRIENDSHIPS TO OUR MARRIAGE

Don’t ever tell a third party what is happening in your home. I am sure we all got that advice before we got married. Keep your home issues private and iron it out with your partner. I agree with that notion majorly but to a small extent I also disagree and that is what I want to share today. Like I always say, I am not an expert on marriage matters but as I grow, I share the little lessons I learn so that others may read and learn. The more I write, the more I learn as well. The role of friendships and relationships cannot be taken lightly. We are in great danger if we get married and cut off every other relationship we have because of that.  We need our friends and family even in our clinging to our spouse only. Please do not get me wrong, there are some friendships that you need to cut off as soon as you decide to get married. Not every friendship is productive and relevant to our future. Some relationships are highly detrimental to our homes and once we decide to build a home we need to cut off such relationships. However, we need some meaningful relationships around us.

Not every problem can be internalized. We need people we can talk to outside of your partner. You need friends you can go out and have a great time with. Once in a while, we need to get away from all the pressures of our spouse and children and just go have a good time with our friends. We need to just hang out and have fun conversations that do not revolve around our homes and children. We need a break from talking about the bills and life decisions. At times if feels like your partner is not listening any more. It feels like he/she is not taking any interest in your conversations. It might be due to stress or pressure from work or other things. That is when you need a moment to just go see a movie with a friend and just talk away.

Apart from talking about other things, I have also realized that every man/woman needs a good support system.  When you get to that moment when it feels like your partner is your worst enemy and you simply cannot take it anymore, have somebody you can talk to that would support you and encourage you to go on. Keeping it all to yourself would most likely breed more bitterness against your partner. It might be a friend, a counselor, a mentor or anyone who has had a good positive impact and has encouraging words to give. My two penny advice though; Husbands, do not complain about your wife to your parents or siblings and wives, do not complain about your husband to your parents or your siblings. Trust me, you want to keep your partner on a high pedestal when it comes to your family because you will soon forgive your partner and move on but your family will always remember. I understand that not every private issue in your marriage should be discussed with people. I was discussing with some friends yesterday and we said you cannot even discuss some things with anyone because of shame. Some things you figure out alone with your spouse. You cannot afford to tell a third party some of the failings of your partner. You also should not keep everything bottled up inside for your own sanity. It all takes a lot of wisdom to discern.

Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted.

1 comment:

  1. i like the balance in perspective; be discreet about what you share yet don't suffer in silence especially in abusive relationships. God grant us wisdom

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