Many people get married with a great delusion. You believe it would always be you, your partner and your kids. Soon after the wedding, a situation arises and a family member has to come and stay with you and you become so uneasy. You begin to resent every action and every move. You begin to hound your partner about why your privacy has been intruded upon. After all, it was supposed to be just the two of you and you did not bargain for all these. Wake up dearie, it was never and will never be just the two of you. Let me take you a step back. Before you got married, you had your relatives coming to your house once in a while to check on you; in fact you had relatives and they would not stop being related to you simply because you got married. Rather, they would start to come more often because your being married simply tells them that you are now comfortable and would be a better host as a married person that as a single person. Now, my discussion today is why do we often find it difficult to tolerate every other person that lives with us that is not our partner or our child? Why do we make everyone else feel like an intruder? How do we maintain our marriage as an intimate institution while not shutting everyone else out?
I asked a few married people: Male and Female, what their opinion was about people living with them and many people said yes they do not mind so far it is not for long; some people said it has to be a close trusted relative .I remember living with at least four different families at different times while growing up. It was not a big deal for the older generation and I believe as we get older in marriage it becomes a non issue. In fact, most of our parents almost always had people living with them. They had family members who were in need and others that helped them in the house. Could we then say that this is a selfish generation of me, my spouse and my kids alone or are we just scared of the unknown? How do we tolerate people that actually come to live with us? Friends, brothers, sisters, parents, uncles, aunties etc. Do we see everyone else as a burden? Some of us become enemies with every human who happens to be a guest in our home whether short term or long term simply because our tolerance level is extremely low. We are overly protective of our ‘space’ which is a good thing but injurious when we need people’s help because nobody can do all things by themselves.
I do not have to say so much about today’s topic. I am not insinuating that we open our doors to every Tom, Dick and Harry. I am simply saying, let us watch ourselves. When you notice that you are never satisfied with the attitude of every guest that stays in your home, it is high time to put ourselves in check. We then need to relax because truly the table of life turns all the time and we never know where our children will branch out to in the future. Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted.