Sunday, February 09, 2014


Today's post will not apply to every one but a certain class of people. Truth is, as complicated as life can be at times, some people are just blessed and have lived very simple lives. They have entered their marriages with so much purity and for those people, I congratulate you. So many other people are not that fortunate and have been through life making a host of mistakes before eventually starting to get it right, for those that fall into this sect, you are my audience today.  Over the years, I have heard and read the opinions of different people on this particular topic. Many have formed their opinions based on experience, many have formed them based on self preservation and many others have formed them based on their upbringing. Through all the controversy and diverse beliefs; today,  I choose to share my simple thoughts on this. Are we truly ever justified in keeping a secret past from our partners? Do we truly do more harm than good when we do full disclosure? Is it indeed wisdom when we spare our partners the details of our past? Are some things truly better left unsaid and undiscovered? Is it better to live daily in the fear of discovery rather than seemingly destroying our partner's faith in us? What good does it do to open up that can of worms?

He cannot take his eyes off her as she walks down the aisle in white and neither can she as she beholds her perfect prince; looking so pure and so angelic, they are truly lucky and blessed to have found each other; They believe they know each other well enough; They have dated for so long and have had so many heart to heart conversations bearing it all; They believe they have shared all about their past experiences, joy, sorrows, relationships and mistakes; Neither of them expect any surprises. With this happy thoughts, they go ahead and settle into their home and live happily ever after..... Then comes a bump in the road, five years down the line, one of them finds out about this secret that the partner had been keeping, never having mentioned it. The issue will no longer be the secret as such, the issue will be that, "how could you have kept such a big thing from me?" Trust is destroyed. You simply cannot take it back. It becomes a struggle to rebuild that happy place you were.

Many times we trust our friends to keep our dirty little secrets, forgetting that nobody has your back more than your spouse who you are fully joined with and will protect your shame. How do we truly love a person we cannot be truly naked with and I mean nakedness in the sense of baring it all. Our fears, our hurts and our regrets. Many people disagree with my thoughts on this but I have never been swayed. Nothing ever truncates honesty. We will have nothing to fear when we have nothing to hide. Secrets breed paranoia. I have heard people say that when a person mistakenly cheats on his partner and ends the affair, it is better not to tell your spouse as it does more evil than good. Hypocrisy is one big weight that can crush a home. A home that is filled with hidden truths and open lies is a ticking time bomb. It is just a matter of time, it will explode. It is like a fan that has been turned off but is still rolling, it will surely stop rolling soon enough.

Keeping the lid on our can on worms is the most unhealthy approach in a home. It takes courage to open up on our past and present mistakes to our partners but it also takes determination to have a strong home to see it through. Is it not better to open up to your spouse in secret than for him/her to be fed crumbs from third parties? Why compromise our peace in order to save our face? It is true indeed that nothing stays hidden forever. It is not my intention to make us feel guilty this Sunday but it's just a quick reminder that it is time to have that conversation we have been dreading with our partner.

Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted!

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