Sunday, February 16, 2014


We hear parents say to their children, "birds of the same feather flock together"; "show me your friend and I will tell you who you are". Does the same principle to apply to spouses in marriage? If indeed the kind of partner we attract is a picture of who we are, does that then mean as couples, we reflect each other? Is it true that if the man is a giver, the wife is necessarily one as well? or if one of them is an habitual cheat, the other one should be watched as well? If this is not the case, could it be that, we rub on each other as times goes on and we begin to reflect each others behaviour? or is it that we have a duty to check on each other, correcting each other and keeping us in check so as not to go against our family ideals? What influence do we have on our partner positively or negatively? Do we encourage them to take right steps or wrong steps? Does your partner know he/she is sure to get the right direction from you or do they doubt our integrity as individuals?Have we lost our sense of morals to our partner or are we just birds of the same feather?
I had an experience last week that got me thinking on these many questions I have set out today. Truth is many of us married our direct opposite. At times, people see a couple and wonder how those two manage to cohabit under the same roof. That is a mystery I myself am yet to solve.Now I have established that birds of the same feather do not necessarily get married to each other, I believe there comes a time in our relationship when we lay down the principles and ideals on which we intend to build our homes. We decide if we want our home to be loving, caring, free spirited, godly etc. Once that is decided, we begin to live our individual lives in line with those principles. On that basis, we become a reflection of our home and our partner. One can easily tell the kind of husband a woman has just by seeing her (her dressing and her interaction) and vice versa. What this tells us is that we ought to be careful and drop the coat of selfishness. When you step out of your home daily, you reflect the other person in all that you do. If a woman dresses shabbily or indecently, people automatically think her husband is irresponsible. If a man looks unkempt, people think the woman is simply failing in her duties. As a result of this, we should allow our spouses to vet our appearances, actions and decisions. It is not stupidity to be accountable to your partner, it is wisdom. Two heads are definitely better than one.

Having established the need to be accountable to each other and be a true reflection of our partners, it is important I also talk about being the right influence on our partners. Can your partner count on you to know when he/she is about to cross the line? Do you encourage your partner to take steps that you cannot proudly say in public but have to be kept hidden? In as much as we are partners, we also in one way or the other have a kind of parental responsibility towards each other. I do not mean this in a controlling but rather a positive advisory way. Our partners should be able to trust us to give them wise counsel and we should have that trust as well. It is disgraceful to see a wife influencing her husband negatively and shameful to see a husband supporting his wife in wrong doing. Worse case is both of them encouraging each other in doing wrong, none the wiser. We should be a balanced team, setting down the right part for our children to follow as we go. The truth is when we constantly exert the wrong influence on our partners, bit by bit, he/she begins to exclude you from the thought process in making decisions because he/she can predict the negative impact you have. At the end of the day, never forget that when push comes to shove, it is just the two of you left; whatever negative act or character your partner exhibits comes back to you. You end up picking up the pieces don't you?

Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted!


  1. The Almighty God of Host will enpewer u more with divine wisdom¤Its relly helpin God bless U