Sunday, January 26, 2014


It ought to be really simple. The husband and the wife make the home, of course with the children. All parties have totally different roles to play, at least that is the way I see it. However, we come to a deadlock when we begin to get uncomfortable in our roles, we want to infringe on our partner's role or we feel like we are much more than this or that. We become too proud to do the little things that define us as a husband or a wife. The husband becomes proud beyond limits in his bid to lead the home; the wife becomes too proud to submit to her husband. We begin to wonder how being married became so tedious. We have dropped humility at the doorstep and stepped into our homes with destructive pride.

For the woman, I understand the whole idea of women liberation. I understand the need to feel like we have an equal right. I also know we so much covet the way it is all portrayed in movies; The ideal woman who says her mind when and how she pleases and how her husband loves her too much to utter a word. Woman, wake up and smell the coffee! Maybe I am old fashioned but I am sure I do not stand alone in the opinion that there is no equal right. We are not slaves! absolutely not! but we are wives, to be submissive to our husbands in all and every aspect. When it is convenient and when it is not. He is our first priority. There is no corner to cut. Many of us are too proud to submit. Too proud to let our husbands take the lead because for whatever reason, we sometimes believe we are smarter than our husbands. While that may be true, suck it up because no matter how smart or beautiful or high up at work we are, when we step into our homes, that mandate is constant. Submission! If only we can be conscious of the fact that we conquer more when we stoop. Humility is never too much and humility is definitely not stupidity.

For the man, there is no argument that you lead and head your home. There is nothing to prove. Your whole family knows that. There is such thing as humility in leadership though. That we are head does not necessarily mean we have to be autocratic. How beautiful would it be if we could just lead in love. I once heard a man I respect so much say, If as a man, you have to tell your wife all the time that you are the head of the home, then check it, your position is shaky. Are u saying that to inform your wife or to remind yourself.We become so proud in leading and heading that we drive towards being slave masters. Imagine how it is working in an office with an unbelievably proud boss. It is killing trust me. Now imagine living with such. Often times, we are not even conscious of how proud we come across to our spouses. Maybe we should actually sincerely ask our spouses once in a while what their sincere opinion is then we know.

 Civilization has blinded us so much, wives tell themselves, "I cannot imagine doing this or that". Too proud to serve our husbands food on the table, too proud to kneel (bearing in mind that for those of us in Africa, that came so easily on the wedding day), too proud to let him take the lead in decisions and the list goes on. Men become so blinded by pride, they refuse the wise counsel of their wives and this causes them to make unnecessary mistakes; they impose their mandate rather than sit to discuss and come to a decision; they have become too proud to even help their wives in little chores and the list goes on....

When a man heads the home in love and humility and the woman submits with all love and humility, there is no better place. All is in sink. We do not then struggle to play our roles. We do so joyfully. The woman is happy to listen to her husband and the man is joyful to talk to his wife. There is less friction. Pride indeed comes before a fall, there is no worse place to be proud that our homes. Also, there is no greater way to teach our children humility than to exhibit it ourselves.

Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted!

1 comment:

  1. So true...God give me the grace!