Sunday, December 08, 2013


Today I feel a little introduction is needed about the whole idea of "Forever". I have a burden in my heart for the institution of marriage. It might be that this burden arose out of the various experiences I had growing up or it might just be a God given burden, needless to say, I do believe that one day at a time we go through situations that somebody somewhere will definitely experience in the nearest future. I understand the saying that experience is the best teacher but i also believe that other people's experiences can help us make better decisions and give us strength in our weak moments. That is the essence of this blog. So we can learn and also refer to it when we face some harsh realities in our home.
Please note that if you do have experiences that you want to share with other couples out there, you can send an email to and we will share them with people anonymously.

Now to today's business- I saw this title on a friend's Facebook page: " When you feel like quitting, remember why you started". Now if you have never felt like quitting your marriage or questioned your decision to marry your partner or felt like maybe you were better off before you married or wondered if indeed you knew your partner well enough or wondered if marrying another person would have made your life easier, please now is the time to stop reading because today is for those people who have at one time or another felt like these and still decided to forge ahead.

The reality is that we do get caught up in the reality  and pressures of day to day life that we never take time to reflect anymore on why we made a decision to marry that person. There must have been one thing or many that informed that decision apart from the fact that we just happened to fall in love because in the true scheme of things, love is a factor out of many factors. 

When we take our time to reflect on the beginning and we are able to see how far we have indeed come, that situation we are experiencing becomes just a phase out of many we are yet to experience because the truth is that, that too shall pass and we will move on and once again get stronger and fall in love more. Our partner has not suddenly become a monster but will never be the same person you married because we ourselves are not the same. Our partner will grow and change and develop and their ideals and approach will change. A person at 40 years old is not the same person they were at 25 years old because even living with us alone molds them.

We cannot afford to quit while the journey is still far ahead. What kind of lessons do we want to teach our children? That it is okay to quit when it is really hard? The fact is for those of us that went to university, there was a  point when it was really difficult but we forged ahead and graduated because we always remembered why we got into the university in the first place and we also saw the future and knew it was worth the pain.

If only we can see the future and assess whether it will be worth it in the end maybe then there will not be so many broken marriages and couples living together like strangers. If only we can embrace total forgiveness maybe then we have a shot at true happiness. Isn't that the goal? I do not advocate for spending a lifetime in an unhappy state just so we can make our marriages work. I understand that joy and happiness comes from within and it is a state only us can put ourselves in not our partners because all the gifts and money in the world will not buy it but true peace will take us there...

Let us live, love and learn because the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted!!! 


  1. The sooner we realise that Marriage is just the party you join only bcos you are in love, but because you recognise it to be a sacred institution...d beta 4 us. Marriage is as sacred as keeping the sabbath day holy, its vow taken before GOD. Marriage is never easy. But if a couple with CHRIST, love,determination,perseverance,understanding and wisdom stand strong together, nothing will break dem. Communication would help spouses a lot. Its d only way 2 vent ur ideas, ur feelings, ur frustrations, 2 let each oda know ur changing ideals. However, please know when to vent, study and know how best to reach out to each oda. And most importantly, have "we" times...just both of u. B4 children came it was just both you, u can only use dem as excuses for so long, cos soon they will grow and leave u. GOD bless our Marriages in JESUS name, amen. 4m Adesuwa Iluobe.

  2. Wow, that feeling comes and goes......but d best part of feeling like quitting for me is it disappears almost as soon as it comes, and I feel a closer bond between my husband & l immediately after. U re right, we need to always remember why we started in the first place.