Sunday, December 15, 2013

PICKING YOUR BATTLES…


It is another beautiful Sunday and today, it is all about learning how to pick our battles with our spouse. It is all about knowing when to address an issue and when to keep our cool, knowing when to correct an action and when to let it slide. I reckon that if we indeed pick our battles, we would have much more stronger relationships.

More often than not, we feel the need to correct every action that seems to us to be ‘wrong’. We have such a great misconception that we have to cut every weed that grows in the home so as not to be taken for granted when in actual fact some weeds actually serve as fertilizers. Let me simplify it, if that issue does not remove any value from you or add to it, let it go. We walk on the street at times and we meet people that do little things that surprisingly get us really angry but most times we just walk on and let it go. The simple reason is that we just cannot be bothered to pick a fight about something that has no relevance to our day or our life and we walk on and forget it happened. Why do we then feel the need to correct our spouses at every point or just simply have it out with them at every chance we get?

We do not have to fight every battle; we do not have to express dissatisfaction at every point. I want us to do a little exercise right now; think back to the last time you spent a whole day at home with your spouse, and try to count how many things you complained about that did not really matter that much. It might surprise you how many they actually are. Your partner did not pick your call and you have a big fight about that: you get home and dinner was about an hour late and you have another fight about that; some clothes were left on the sofa and you have another fight about that; he/she got home a little bit later than usual and another fight about that; your partner traveled for a day and promised to call before sleeping and slept off without calling and another fight about that and so many more; I could go on and on about the so many little things we fight about that do not really mean much to us but end up putting so much strain on our relationship and quite simply draining us. At the end of the day, we end up so exhausted. I once heard someone say that if you sleep over it and you still feel angry about it the next day then talk about it but if you don’t, it was never worth fighting about in the first place.

Do we really feel the need to re-emphasize our position in the home? A man I respect so much once said that if as a man or woman you ever have to remind your partner that you are the man/woman of the home, then there is something wrong somewhere. Fighting every battle that surfaces as an ego boost does not increase your stance, it reduces us. It makes the whole fight process so familiar that once we start, our partner automatically switches off and does the, "and here we go again". The simple point I am making is, let us not waste our energy on frivolities. Let us fight those battles that actually matter to our marriage and increase the essence of our relationship. Let us have healthy differences and not countless petty fights.


Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted!!!

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