This is the last Sunday in 2013 and I want to say a big thank you to all those that have taken time to read, share and subscribe to this blog. Most especially to those who have meditated on these writings and have used it to improve the quality and substance of their marriages. This is not an entertainment blog so it is not about just reading, it is about making a meaningful marital journey; one that is actually filled with much peace and joy. Thank you all so much and I wish you a very happy new year in advance.
Earlier this week, I was having a discussion about this with a friend and she mentioned that, even though we are often told this on our wedding day, many of us shove that advise aside in the true light of marriage. Hence, my need to talk about it. Who do we share our sob stories with, outside of our homes? Who do we vent to and pour it all out to when the going gets too tough? Who do we even compare stories with?
I will start by saying it is important that we improve first on our persevering and enduring spirit. We need the that one that can go through fire and back and still stand and smile on the outside. We should not feel the need to air all of our dirty laundry to every close friend and family even in the form of normal conversation. The most important of all is keeping that laundry far away from our families as much as we can. A wife should never find herself telling her parents or siblings of her husband's misbehavior and neither should a husband tell his parents or siblings of his wife's misbehavior. Truth be told, this eventually becomes a big problem for the couple and we find it hard to trace where it went wrong. When we report those things to our families, we forgive our partner eventually and we move on but your family never moves on from that point. When you come to tell them at another time how great things have been, they wonder if it is not the same person that misbehaved the other time and some of them even remind you.
I understand at times it gets to a point where things gets too much to be bottled up inside. Things get too hard that you just need to share with somebody else before you 'explode'. This is where I think we all need someone we can vent to that is not our partner. It should ideally not be more than one person. Spreading words about our marriage to five different people is never justifiable. Have somebody you can talk to. Best advise is to have a mentor you can confide in, someone with a successful home and good experience, some of us have friends that we share experiences and compare notes and we then use them to build our homes. Be watchful of people who blame your spouse when you talk to them and never point out your faults to you. It might make you happy in the interim but in the long run, you do not actually grow.
The point is you need to be able to deal with 90% of your marriage problems by yourself. There is a 10% that just becomes too unbearable, never tell your families. Let them always see your partner as that wonderful person that you married. That person who loves you without blemish and has the sweetest character. Keep your partner's flaws and scars to yourself and do not show it to your family because you will never be able to remove it from their memory. Let your partner's weaknesses be known to you but remain unseen by your family. That respect and honour that is given to your partner when they do not know otherwise is always worth it. Guard it with all diligence. Do not expose your partner to be judged, guard your treasure with all diligence.
Let us live, learn and grow for the journey is still far and it is not for the fainthearted!!!